Dia de los Muertos
November 2, 2007 was Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) commonly celebrated in Mexico and various Latino communities. Here in Minneapolis, El Colegio Charter School and Mercado Central collaborated with various artists to host the 8th annual Dia de los Muertos celebration in Minneapolis. One of the things I love about the Latino culture is the ability to celebrate and honor those who’ve passed before us…annually. Dia de los Muertos is a beautiful and exiting celebration full of music, dancing, flowers and ‘offerings’ to departed loved ones. Ofrendas (a type of alter) are created with colorful pictures, flowers, food offerings, candles and much more. Even thought I missed this year’s celebration (due to being at the ICF conference), I wanted to write about the celebration and honoring loved ones who have passed on before us.
Here, I will write a ‘verbal ofrenda’ if you will, in honor of my sister Brenda who died of cancer. She was 18 years old at the time of her death; I was 15. She had the kind of brain tumor/cancer that is found in old people; we never did find a cause. Brenda was a beautiful, vibrant teenager. I have a picture of her on my fridge, frozen in time as a young 16 or 17 year old, before the cancer was found within her. Brenda went through brain surgeries and in and out of ‘remission’ for about a year and a half before she died at home. Through the pain and suffering of that time, my sister also kept a keen sense of humor. Brenda went on to plan her funeral, the songs, psalms and scripture readings; she even personally asked 6 x-boyfriends to be her pallbearers (how could they say no?).
After the initial shock and denial of learning of her illness, my sister and our family all followed the “5 Stages of Death and Dying” (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, 1969). Individually we went through the different stages at different times and sometimes repeated them; but we found that we all experienced all 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Of course it was hard, going through the experience of losing a sister to death. Yet I can also say that from this experience I emerged a more spiritual, confident young woman. I no longer fear death, nor do I fear talking about it. I learned that at time of death and illness, it’s important for us to talk about it. Our American culture so often avoids talking about death, and this is where we can learn from and embrace cultural celebrations such as Dia de los Muertos. In our culture so often we stop checking in with those who have lost loved ones, after a few months. It’s as if we don’t know what to say – and so we avoid conversation.
Here are some coaching questions and ideas to assist YOU in moving forward so that you can celebrate loved ones:
o Make a list of loved ones lost, and on that list write down what you miss and love about each of them.
o What has death taught you?
o If you knew you had 1 more year to live; how would you live differently?
o What ritual or ceremony could you create in honor of your loved one/s?
o What are things you’d like to take care of prior to your own death?
o Are you legally prepared for you own death? (wills, power of attorney, health care directive, etc.)? Make a ‘to do’ list and set deadlines for yourself. Choose at least one person with whom you will talk with about this.
o If you’ve experienced death of a loved one; what stage or stages did you get ‘stuck’ in?
o What books or readings might be helpful to you in this journey?
o How do YOU want to be remembered? Take time to do the following exercise: Write your own obituary, as if you have lived out your life as you wish. What would you like others to say about you? How would you like people who love you to celebrate you? How do you want to be remembered? Remember, this is an activity in creativity and future thinking.
o Celebrate YOU!
Peace, Sandi
